I moved to the Pittsburgh area 14 years ago from Raleigh, North Carolina, on January 23rd, 1997. I remember thinking at first how nifty it was that there was actual snow. And then a few days later, how very persistent that snow seemed to be about constantly falling.
This winter of 2010-2011 has proved to be a trying one for me, in that the snow has been more of a character in a horror movie than an actual weather event. It. Won't. Go. Away. So, in dealing with that, I went with email-horror-genre, below.
For people concerned about me after having read this, it's not a true story. (I think some of you were puzzled about this, because I usually write about stuff that's happened. I am not, in fact, about to eat the neighbor pets.)
It was written while completely, utterly and entirely sick of the snow. Please don't call my mom. I'm fine; I'd rather be in San Diego, but I'm fine. Thanks.
I can't believe it! I haven't seen snow in such a long time. The big, fat flakes today were such a nice welcome to the area. I wonder if it'll snow enough to make snow angels? I haven't done that in years! I wonder if I have snow boots. Or a shovel.
I looked out the window this morning to see a winter wonderland! The trees were all coated with shiny, fluffy white snow. So pretty. I wanted to go out and look at it, but it's a little cold. I think I'll just enjoy it from the living room, with some tea.
I tried to open the door to put the garbage out and guess what? I couldn't! Actually, it turns out that if I really lean into it, I can open it enough to squeeze out. Funny, I've heard of being snowed-in, but I thought that only happened in Alaska or something.
I tried to use my shovel today. Snow is heavy, and apparently the shovel used to be used as a torture device. I'm going to be in traction for a week, but at least I can get out of my driveway now. I'm glad I work from home, but I need to get out for a little bit.
Later, Jan 26
I'm not sure who designed my driveway to go uphill, but maybe someone should have told them that we live in Pennsylvania. It took me 20 minutes to get out of my driveway it was so icy. I only got out because the friction of spinning my tires for 20 minutes melted the ice. Once I got out, I drove behind a damn salt truck. I think my car needs a new paint job. I got to the grocery store finally and all the bread and milk was gone. Bastards.
Seriously? More snow? I turned on the news and the weatherman looked like he was going to kill the sports guy with a thermometer, and the anchorwoman seemed to have lost interest in life. Turns out a water main broke downtown because of the cold, and cars are actually frozen to the road.
Five day forecast: accumulation up to 20 inches. I've dislocated a disk from shoveling, I haven't eaten in days because the grocery store has been ransacked, and the plow keeps piling a mountain of snow at the foot of my driveway. The only way to leave my house is on foot. Kill me now.
I've organized some neighbors and we're going house-to-house to see if anyone's dead so we can steal their bread and milk. We are starting to eye-up our pets for meat. The weatherman on channel 2 was killed during an uprising at the station. They got it all on film though, which they have been showing in a loop, since most of the staff been arrested.
I have jammed as many of my possessions into my car as possible. I'm planning to push my car over the back yard, jump in, slide down the long hill through the neighbor's yard and onto the highway. With luck, I can make Virginia in a few hours and avoid the oncoming ice storm. If I don't make it, tell my parents I love them.